Sunday, March 04, 2012

Rushing to Her Defense

I spent 16 or so hours Saturday trying to get advertisers to drop Rush Limbaugh.

You can read what Rush Limbaugh said here: Article about Limbaugh's comments You can read what Sandra Fluke wanted to testify here: What Sandra Fluke Wanted to Say to Congress

It is not my usual Saturday pastime. I usually write papers for grad school. Today, I did this because events took the perfect turn in my life to make me unable to keep still and ignore him, as I usually do. Most of my friends don't particularly like Rush. Many abhor his kind of "entertainment." We mostly leave him to his followers and hope not to add to his publicity. It's a good plan for hate-mongers who make a lot of money on their ability to denigrate others.

Not today.

One reason is the picture on my living room table. It's of my daughter, a young elementary school teacher. She is the reason I breathe on some days. It's that elemental with me. No one will stand when threatening her health, psychological well-being, or happiness. I will not allow it.

Another reason is the hard couple of weeks I had at school. I took some crap and managed my way out of it. It doesn't matter who or what or how. It was not earth-shattering, but it was unnecessary crap. I thought at first I would just ignore it and let the crap build up and flow around me. Then, it became too much, so I got out of the way of the crap and felt much better for having done so.

Which leads me to a third reason. While I was all hip-deep in my own little drama, I almost let someone down in a big way. Another young woman, not unlike my daughter--beautiful,intelligent, struggling at times the way the young do--told me she had thought she might just drive into oncoming traffic.

Yes. That is exactly the response I should have had. I should have wrapped her in my arms and used all the skills I have to pull her back into the flow of life.

I didn't.

I murmured some words and moaned that I felt awful too. And I went on my way.

And I am humiliated.

Because there is a fourth, fifth, and sixth reason I went after Rush Limbaugh's advertisers this week.

Fourth is that I was sexually abused as a child and raped when I was a young woman. I suffered a lot of shame and self-loathing for that. I know that I don't need to feel that way now. Therapy. Work. Hard-headedness. The need to live a decent life for my daughter brought me out of that. I would never let someone have the power to make me feel less than any more. Never. I have learned better and know how to deal with that kind of damaging self image.

Which brings me around to number five in my reasons to let Rush Limbaugh have it on Saturday. I went to a lot of training to learn how to advocate for others who have been sexually assaulted. I did some of that work formally, a lot more informally, and some here online. Before I went back to college at age 47, I spent a good bit of my spare time that way. With women, mostly women, who had been ripped up and tossed out by men, mostly men, who thought that their bodies and their lives were good for nothing more than sexual violence. I made it my business to speak up and say my refrain for victims: "I am sorry that happened. It's not your fault. You are safe now. I am here to be of help."

And from now on--Number Six--I will be again.

I made myself a promise when I collected myself after the little "taking crap" incident at school and realized, humiliated and horrified, that I had not reacted in the appropriate way to that young woman who wanted to drive into oncoming traffic.

The promise is this: I will not ever hold my tongue again. Never. Come what may, shitstorm or not, for me or anyone else in need of help, I am using this very loud mouth and these arthritic fingers on the keyboard to do whatever I can for whomever I run across that is being victimized, made to feel less than worthy, or is in need of whatever skills I have or can muster. I will stand up for myself too and damn the cost.

Nothing feels worse than thinking a young woman may be driving into oncoming traffic and you are doing nothing to stop it. By the way, she didn't. She spent her Saturday doing life-affirming things. She is going to be ok. And so am I, and so is Sandra Fluke.

And that is why I am still up at 2:44 am on Sunday, writing this. Because I was stupidly ignoring my real purpose. I am making it my business to speak up from now on.

It is not ok to make money by turning political polemic into personal attacks on someone's good name and well-being. It just is not. That is sleazier than the prostitution Ms. Fluke was accused of. That is unacceptable.

A young woman wanted to to petition Congress to hear the effect that lack of access to birth control was having on her classmates. She wanted to talk about real health issues, pain, and suffering. And for that, she was called a prostitute, a slut, and made the subject of degrading sexually exploitive talk about how she should be forced to make sex tapes and show them to Rush Limbaugh and his ilk.

I have one clear message about that: OH HELL NO. Oh, no. No you don't. You, Mr. Limbaugh, do not get to wriggle out of this one. You have underestimated the mothers and fathers of this country if you think we will hear you speak this way to our daughters and let it pass. I won't shut up until you are not making one penny off of such hateful speech. I won't stand idly by and watch you shove one of our young women into oncoming traffic. She is no slut. She is no prostitute. She is a student who wanted to speak to her elected officials about the effect of a proposed legislation on her classmates' health. This is not a reason to submit her to sexually degrading comments. It is abusive and it is wrong. It is not her fault. It is yours. And I intend to keep agitating until you are in no position to ever do this again for profit.

You can help. Many advertisers have dropped him today because of the huge response to his terrible comments. Go to Clear Channel Communications Facebook page or company website and let them know you don't want them to pay Rush Limbaugh to sexually degrade women. Not one dime, not one crumb for him.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

A prose poem from the Southerner in me

All Those Who Ever Did Me Wrong Are White:
Why I am Nice to Black (and Brown) People

I don’t suffer under a burden of responsibility for all that I am a Southerner. It is in my blood to know that my great, great granddaddy Lev must have hurled his share of racial epithets, even if he was too poor to be a slave-holder like my great, great, great granddaddy from Virginia likely was. I hate it, but I don’t hold it in my bones. I think it is mostly because I identify, for all my pale pinkness, with the darker of my human sisters. For us, it was white men who reached into our drawers and pulled out whatever caught their fancy, with no account of the age of me or that slave gal.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Where He Put Things

He put his hand over my mouth,
assuring me with shushes, “Relax, you’ll like it.”

................................I didn’t, any more than you enjoy reading this.

He put bruises on my thighs,
my underwear down around my knees.

................................Bear [witness] with me here.

He put his penis inside me,
along with quite a few abrasions.

................................Breathe through the lines, don’t panic.

He put my arms up over my head, pinning me,
so skilled he must have had practice.

................................Stay with me.

He put fear in my gut, terrors in my nights,
and post-traumatic fugues in the mess he left of me.

................................Attend to my words.

By extension, he put pills down my throat,
cuts on my arms, and me in bed all day.

................................Softly. Gently. Unwrap the pain.

He put trust out of my reach until
he sat me on the psychiatrist’s couch.

................................Sit beside me. Listen.

He put me into training class to advocate for others,
strangely, leading me to college and grad school.

................................There are more of us here who can’t speak.

He put words in my mouth.
“Hold on.” “It’s not your fault.” “It gets better.”

Friday, September 10, 2010

Survivor Statement

The mother in me
would remove your lungs
by teaspoons over
a number of months,
watching your breath
grow precious.

She would have you
live long years,
seeing those
whom you have loved
die in your eyes,
waking you often
to view reruns.

The woman who
put her child to sleep
brushing circles
with her cheek on
a tiny head of baby hair
would hood you
and beat you on bare feet with
bouquets of barbed wire.

The sensible liberal
who is carrying my purse,
containing a card for
the ACLU and a copy of
the New Testament (NRSV),
petitions nightly to God
to deny you entrance to Hell,
sentencing you to a lonely
oblivion, conscious of your loss.

We dream of these and other
gruesome punishments for you,
often shocking the little
girl in me who had her own
nightmare offender, but we shush
her protests. She is not a mother.
The only thing that might
make it any bit better
is to never have been born—
you or I—it hardly matters which.

*not based on my personal experience, but someone is in this place, somewhere.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Why War Poetry is Like Rape Poetry

I have thought, ever since I began reading and writing poetry that poetry written by the warriors who return from battle and the poetry written by those who have experienced rape are eerily similar. This phenomenon was referenced in a piece on This American Life by a person who experienced rape and war and suffered PTSD. Listen here when it is available.

I am referencing other works in this poem as well:

Here, Bullet by Brian Turner

Daughterfuckers by me

Why War Poetry is Like Rape Poetry

Aside from the obvious

rape is a weapon in war
and a very cost-effective
high-yield weapon, at that

Aside from that

there is the trauma
the left-overs
the night-sweat screaming

And I am talking about the warriors here

not the populace
not the collateral damage
the war kind or the rape kind

‘cause I am a warrior, too, you know

ordered, without control
marching where and when told
my body not my own

I read Here, Bullet and I see myself

perched on a housetop
peering through scopes at the enemy
not sure who he was, is

I write Daughterfuckers and I see a soldier

told to suck it up
hiding the traumatic pain
wondering where to put the anger

It’s a wonder we survive at all

when we do, if we do
and the words we write-verboten
who wants to hear about that, anyway

Studying Music after Molestation

he would seduce me after my music lesson
offering attention and trauma in unequal measures
I would play scales for Blanche
and then pay the piper for him

Tommie would wonder why I was so ungrateful
stopping the lessons so soon
so late

my sister would have loved to play longer
but she didn’t have the advantages I was offered
lucky me

now I sit in a classroom listening to piano concertos
and fugues
I relate

hiding in the clefs and trebles are the notes
I recorded so deeply
this sonata’s third movement is especially chilling

I study music appreciation
tone, pitch, rhythm, timbre
all are here and now
it’s the history that trips me up

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Deserving of Justice

I am no big fan of the death penalty. I think poor people get executed and rich people get away with it. DNA testing has proved we were about to execute some people innocent of the crime they were set to die for. I am appalled that we could be so wrong.

If we have the death penalty and are going to use it, we need to have some rules for who, when and in what cases we use it. If the rule is that we don't impose the death penalty for any crime where someone was not killed, then so be it. I think that is a reasonable way of thinking.

Our Supreme Court has overruled the use of the death penalty for perpetrators of child rape. They are concerned that we should not use capital punishment for anything other than when a victim is killed.

Oh, except for treason and terrorism and ....

Talk to a 5 year old who has been ripped open by a man whose penis is as big as her forearm. That, Big Nine, is treasonous and terroristic.

I have no problem with putting down the kind of animal who would do that. I can't imagine why anyone else would.

Friday, November 30, 2007

A Cold Day...

A Curse on those Offended by Rape Poems

You dare not stitch my lips
mending the part that offends,
whipping the edges of my condemnation,
hemming in thick layers of guilt.

I reject pointy fingers
and sharp intakes of breath,
hurtful as the pain
of forced intercourse.

Slashes in secret places
do not easily suture up.
We bleed far longer than
the stains on bandages suggest.

She did not dress
to have her wrist snapped
or toss her hair
inviting gangbangs.

Don’t ask her what she was doing
there, the same as you I reckon,
minding her own business.
Pray you don’t have to give account.

I will keep on counting meter
to match the thrusts of his hips
and dare you to keep pace
or outlast me. These lines

are not free verse. So having paid
I will stand and deliver
paying no mind to anyone not broken

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

My Whole Life

How I Prepared for a Poetry Reading
Domestic Violence Awareness Month, 2007

Crying in bed
Was just practice
for the tears they shed.

Dodging bullets was a drill
for weaving through a crowd
to stand before the one woman
I know wants to say something
but may not have the feet to walk.

I ate too much then for comfort.
I can work the room to dispense some,
skipping the cheese and crackers.

Worrying that he would kill us this time
prepared me to take into consideration
the fragile soul who is here somewhere.
I look around the room as I speak
and I spot her.

She is why I am here,
why after the journaling and the therapy
and the hunting for a peaceful spot
to live out the life I have created that
I came out three times this month
to speak before a crowd,
not my favorite Saturday pastime.

She does not write poetry
or hides it at home if she does.
People think she is ok.
She is a great employee.
She brings cake to the sick.
She laughs like anyone else,
but inside there is a crime scene
where soul murder has taken place.

See right there, the fast swallowing,
her eyebrows flicker when I talk about his hands.
She won’t fidget, but I see.
I know the signs from the inside out.

She is why I am here.
My whole life has prepared me
to speak to her.
Despite it all, I made it here,
loud mouth intact, still laughing,
thriving in my chosen spot,
never afraid to lay my head.
It was almost worth it.
Today, here, safe and whole
I can see there is more healing to do
and it is not mine this time.

The Woman in the Parking Lot
After Poetry Therapy

I can’t say
the things you say,
but they are true for me.

I had an un…
The words catch in her throat.

I had an uncle, too.
I don’t know how you do it.
Don’t stop, we need you.

And bright tears spill
out of her
onto the asphalt.

Can I hug you?

Always ask if they don’t.
Always ask.
Because they were tampered with,
bothered, touched, hurt,
all the euphemisms for soul murder,
so ask first.

And I do hug her and she
smells like hope and fear,
feels like promise and despair.

She will be skittish now.
She has said what she has not
to anyone else alive.
(three of us in this secret now)
I will be her first.

Don’t stop. We need you.

I do it for me and for you,
you know.
Once I couldn’t speak

but I wrote poems, lots of poems.
You keep writing, too.

Thursday, October 18, 2007


Jo said she was sorry, that her words meant nothing. I have lived for weeks on the words of someone who cares. Words mean everything. Thanks, Jo.

Words for Us Girls

Whisper I love you
Say I adore the way your mouth looks
Come here, beautiful

Here, let me get that
You have waited long enough
You deserve better

I am so glad I am here
You make me feel safe
Hold me

It's a girl
She's perfect

I just had to tell someone
I just had to tell you

You're welcome
Praise GOD!

Thanks for saying it
out loud
It happened to me and I can't say it
out loud

I am not going anywhere

You will get better
You look so happy
You smile all the time now

Even when you cry,
you look beautiful

There, there
I've got you...I've got you.